Welcome to my virtual therapy room! I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.
Today I am starting a series on sex toys. In this series, I’m going to look at different types of sex toys and provide some interesting reviews, sourcing information and stories from friends and clients.
When I was first learning about sex, the only sex toy I heard about was a vibrator. I remember my first vibrator. I was in my mid-teens and it was the mid 70’s and I got it from a seedy sex shop in a town near where I lived. I smuggled it into my house and then hid it in my room. It was about 8 inches long and made of hard off white plastic. The first two inches or so were smooth but the rest were ribbed. It was awful. I tried to use it a few times but I found it alternately painful and annoying. It put me off vibrators for more than 15 years.
The next sex toy I became acquainted with was a pair of gold plated handcuffs that a boyfriend had engraved. I still have these to this day 37 years later. These were lots of fun but they are also not the standard sex toy.
I finally found vibrators that I could (and do) enjoy. It has taken me time to explore sex toys both alone and with partners. I have tried lots of vibrators and have reviews from friends, lovers and clients of a variety of vibrators. I have played with anal plugs of many types. And since I enjoy BDSM, I have tried many types of implements from feathers through to bull whips. I have tried a variety of electrical toys (violet wand, estim and tens machines). I’ve used dildos and strap-on belts.
Let’s start with vibrators as these are the most popular toys. There are many different kind of vibrators. Some vibrators are meant for penetrating the vagina other to use on the clitoris and others to put between partners and stimulate them both and still others are designed for the ass. Nowadays, vibrators come in plethora of shapes and sizes. Some are controlled by iPhone apps, some have tons of speeds, others a variety of programmes that cover speed and intensity.
Number 1 at the moment is a relative newcomer called Eva which is made by Dame Products. Eva is a hands free vibrator that has wings that tuck under the labia majora giving clitoral stimulation without having to hold it in place. It’s texture is lovely. It’s made of smooth silicon. Linda says ‘It’s my little friend. I really can walk around with it in and driving me wild but not for too long because I come really quickly using this toy.’
Number 2 is the Rabbit which stimulates the clitoris and is inserted in the vagina at the same time. This is the vibrator that was talked about (and shown) on Sex in the City. It has been around for ages. Some women are put off by the colour (purple) and the little rabbit who stimulates the clitoris. Don’t let that put you off. It is one of the toys of it’s type and can give you the experience of orgasm while being penetrated if you haven’t been able to do this before.
Number 3: Hitachi Magic Wand. This was number 1 for years. The power is what makes it so incredible. Over the years this is the vibrator that I have heard the most feedback about. Clients talk about the power and the fact that it can be used for actual massage because it is strong enough. Jenny says that she couldn’t survive without her Hitachi. She told me that she was unable to have an orgasm until she discovered the Hitachi and that she uses it on her own and with her girlfriend. She said she has tried smaller clitoral vibrators but that none of them have been as good as the Hitachi.
Number 4 Lamorouse Rosa vibrator has two motors. The one at the base vibrates the whole genital area adding to the intensity of everything. Martha loves the whole construction of it, the smoothness, the colour (She has cerise) and the reach. ‘It hits my g-spot just right to get me flowing and if I keep going I will always squirt’.
Number 5 Lelo’s Smart Wands are divine. The silicon texture combined with metal. The medium one could be insertable. I suppose the large one could be too but I certainly would find it difficult.
Number 6 Lelo’s Siri 2 is sound responsive and very powerful. 8 settings that are inspired by music and then the option to just follow any beat you choose including the sound of your lover’s voice. As like Lelo’s other products, smooth and well made. Greg loves to use this on his lover. He says ‘I enjoy the responsiveness and choosing the rhythms, watching Leslie’s responses and building her pleasure. And it isn’t just for women. The feel of it under and behind my balls is incredible.’
Number 1: The Eva. It fits so well for some people that it creates so many possibilities. In some positions, it will also stimulate the penis during sex. For two women together it can be held in place in between them in just the right way to get both of them moaning.
Number 2: We Vibe. There are lots of iterations of this vibrator. We Vibe 4 has an app called we connect and talks about couples connecting no matter where they are. Part of the vibrator is inserted in the vagina and the other part presses on the clitoris. So the vibrator can hit the g – spot and vibrate his penis while they are having intercourse as well as stimulating her clitoris. If you are having trouble visualising, the company gives you a very straight forward visual here.
Vibrators for men:
Many men who use vibrators enjoy them for prostate stimulation.
Number 1 Nexus G Play medium. This is silicone and feels nice. The size makes it a good toy for both men and women.
Number 2 The Rocks Off Rude Boy. This C shaped massager is for hands-free use. You can rock back and forth. It is a little larger than some of the others but the men I have spoken to who have used this one love the full feeling.
Number 3 Rocks Off Butt Boy is butt plug shaped. Lots of guys enjoy the butt plug shape and so find this an easier toy to start with.
A few tips about using vibrators:
First safety: Use condoms if you are going to share your toy with anyone. If you are planning on moving your toy from vagina to rectum, use two condoms. Penetrating the vagina after the rectum leads to infections.
Second make sure to check out intensity levels when you are considering direct stimulation on sensitive areas, like the clitoris. Sometimes that can feel painful and put someone off.
Third, use lots of lube. Check to make sure the lube you are using is not going to cause a problem with your vibrator (or with condoms). For example using silicone lube on silicone toys can cause a kind of melting together of the two which will leave the surface of the toy pitted or mottled. Water based lubricants are the best for silicone toys. For condoms, water based or silicone based lube is best.
There are some new variations on the vibrator. The first is the Womanizer which uses suction and air around the clitoris to arouse and bring on orgasm. The reviews for this toy are pretty good all around. Women talk about how quickly they reach orgasm and how reliably. Megan told me that she was able to have multiple orgasms for the first time using the Womanizer. She describes it as a ‘fucking miracle’.
There is a variation on this toy which is called the Fiera. This one is targeted at women who have trouble with arousal or are suffering from low libido. The toy’s aim is to create quick arousal. It creates suction on the vulva and around the clitoris uses ‘light stimulation and gentle suction’ to increase blood flow leading to quick and often intense arousal. There are silicone rings to create the suction and these must be replaced every 7 – 10 uses. There are two styles of rings and most people find one that works better for them. There is one version with a remote and another without. The beauty of this device is that it is hands free. Once you are ‘warmed up’, you remove the device and continue with your partner. Reviews are mixed with most people complaining that the rings wear out too quickly and some complaining that it doesn’t do as much as they thought it would do. I have not had any clients who have tried this yet. Beth said ‘It is very expensive ($249 with remote) and I didn’t know if it was going to work. I wasn’t willing to spend that much without knowing’. Some women are reporting increased desire though and that is well worth the price.
The Crescendo by Mystery vibe is a vibrator that is mouldable so it can fit lots of places and apparently do many interesting things. There is a smart app that goes with it. I haven’t yet had the chance to try one out and my clients have not yet either. So far, there are good reviews.
There is also the Finn by Dame Products which is a vibrator that sits between two fingers and can be used many places. It is very flexible and very versatile. Richard says ‘The Finn is exceptional. It is so small and neat so it’s easy to transport. I like to start with it behind her ears and then down her neck. By the time I get to her clitoris, she is really close to coming.’ The Finn can help with multiple orgasms. The intensity level can be manipulated and the smooth silicon is easy on the body.
Vibrators have come a long way since my first experiences and indeed since the steam vibrator called the Manipulator was first released by Dr George Taylor in 1869 and then the electromechanical ones in the late 1800s by Dr Joseph Mortimer Granville. They were originally developed because a major treatment for hysteria (an anxiety disorder) in women was for the doctor to stimulate a woman’s clitoris until she reached orgasm and their hands got tired! At that time, the doctors did not believe that women had sexual desire or pleasure. These women complained to doctors of anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability and also feelings of heaviness in the lower abdomen and wetness between the legs as well as erotic fantasies. These symptoms became known as hysteria (which comes from the Greek word for uterus). In fact, this was sexual frustration. The treatment became hand jobs from the doctors. When the women had orgasms, their symptoms were relieved. Of course these were not called orgasms because at the time it was thought women had no sexual feelings. By the early 19th century this was an acceptable popular treatment but led to cramped hands and fingers for the doctors, hence the invention of the vibrator.
Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at email@example.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey. For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, go to https://www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now! I look forward to seeing you next week when I will be looking at dildos and butt plugs in part two of this series on sex toys.