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Sex Spoken Here: Mason deRou

Mason deRou

Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   This week I am interviewing Mason deRou.  This is part one of a two part interview.

Master Mason deRou is a primal Master who began his walk into the public kink scene in 2009.

He has dominion over Miss Kimi deRou and together they form La Maison deRou.  Mason deRou is also the commander of La Meute de Rougaroux (the Rougarou Pack).  He is a uniform fetishist, pony trainer, erotic photographer and also loves the littles.  Mason leverages his relative y9outh to build bridges among several kinky tribes and subcultures, allowing the voices of both past and current generations of kinksters to be heard.  Mason has presented at BESS, Black Rose, CLUE, Weekend Reunion and several MaST chapters.  Mason is the president of the Master-Dominant Consortium and is one of the founding members of the Leather Houses of Color Coalition.  He is a member of MAsT DC Pan and MAsT Washington and is also an alumnus of the MTTA Academy (Master Training XX).  Mason resides in southern Maryland.

Mason deRou starts  talking about education by talking about structure and we spend some time talking about the military and what structure looks like in the military.

He goes on to  say that he follows the power.

He looks for the people who are in authority.  He spoke about the fact that someone was telling him that when people had to start from the bottom to be a Master if you have that policy you never run out of bottoms. He spoke of always wanting to know the why.  We talk about the end result but not what started it. We need discernment skills to not take stuff at face value and the critical thinking.  Mason  deRou says that in the military they think between the boxes not outside the box.  He wishes that people would think that way so we would not have the petty arguments that don’t matter.   He says military people know how to act – they have a code that will get them through the day.  Step 1 learn to critical think and step 2 is to learn discernment – to choose to use this.

Mason deRou asks do we really want accountability?

He says that the problem with a call out culture around consent violations and perceived bad behaviour is that people can’t discern – was it a mistake, was it a bad decision, was it someone just not caring, was it someone being an ass?   Responses generally come from your own experience and lots is not put out in public.  People often don’t discern they respond to personality instead – or cliques.  People respond the best way they know how but they don’t have enough information.  There is always some crucial piece that doesn’t make it online.  Given that – we don’t want to call people out because discernment is a problem – we cannot decide as a group – there is not enough discernment to say as a group – this person made a mistake and have apologised and made amends versus this person is an asshole and just does it all the time.

We moved from here to talk about risk management and risk assessment.

We talk about SSC (safe sane consensual) but a lot of stuff I do ain’t safe or sane and if we take this view we will risk manage better.  A lot of us are adrenalin junkies – all this stuff is risky.  It is not that someone is purposely doing something.  We have to be able to take responsibility and risk assess and risk manage.   Mason deRou and I talked further about consent and the fact that we can’t even talk about proper informed medical consent.

We moved to talk about litigiousness and liability.  Mason deRou said if we took that track about a lot of what we do – we probably wouldn’t do half of the stupid things we do.

Can the person even give consent?  Are they in an impaired state of mind?  Mason points out that lots of endorphins can produce an impaired state of mind and therefore the person can’t give consent.  And people get upset when you bring this up because you are messing with their fun.   Just because you risk assess doesn’t mean you don’t do something – you acknowledge the risk, list the reasons it is crazy and then make a decision if you are going to go ahead as well.   Mason points out that when you make an error you have to be accountable and give a genuine apology and make amends.   You have to have some credibility with yourself when that happens so when you do that to someone, they are more apt to be willing to hear you out.  Can still make the choice but everyone has to know what they are getting into.    There is a difference between playing with someone you know and pick up play  – where you just met someone.    We talked about making bad choices versus blaming others.    Who had the ultimate responsibility for the scene?  The top has the responsibility for the scene.  If you don’t want it, don’t take the responsibility.

Mason deRou gave a shout out to Black Rose who do a BDSM 101 where people can talk to people and learn without being able to play.

Gateway.

BESS in Baltimore.

Mason deRou says you are at the whim of what you can find in your local area.  I say that I am putting together of an archive of basic topics because of interviewing people over time.  Lots more of an online presence for information where you can Q & A. Mason says the second part of what we need is an enforcement to see if people have been to a basic course so they have the basic skills and required people to have a card to show this order to play at a local dungeon.  If we invested in not moving if you can’t prove that someone has knowledge.  We are only willing to accept a certain level of risk.   People need to invest in the basic skills – communication and negotiation skills.  Of course that does involve work and Mason says some people don’t want to work.

 

The best place to find Mason deRou

At an event.  If you are out and about in Washington DC I’ve been at the Crucible, I’ve been to BESS.  Online Mason deRou on Facebook and on Fetlife LeRougaroux.  There is a group LeRougaroux’s Den with lots of readings. You can follow without sending a friend request.

Thanks for joining me for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  This week we talked about consent, risk assessment, the importance of education in BDSM and how the community polices itself and the problems with this.  If any of this triggered you, please write me at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com and I will help you to find resources.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/and click the button that says click here! on the contact page.

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I look forward to seeing you next week.

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