Sex Spoken Here: Sex Love Stories 6: Anita Cassidy
Welcome to my virtual therapy room! I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.
Today is the sixth instalment of the sex love series. Joining me today is author Anita Cassidy. Anita describes herself as a white British woman, age 41 who grew up moving around a lot because her father was in the Royal Air Force.
We started with her first awareness of herself as a sexual being and she said that this wasn’t until she was 14 or 15.
She said she didn’t touch herself and that sex wasn’t talked about in her home. She described her first awareness as noticing her body’s response to movies (and being uncomfortable watching them with her parents), enjoying the Sunday Sport images of naked women and stories about sex and described saving enough pennies to try to listen to the women talk on the phone sex lines.
Anita said her first proper sexual experience was when she was 17 and with a boyfriend. She spoke about being ready to have sex and being excited to explore this new chapter of her life. She talked about the next number of boyfriends she had where the relationships were good and the sex was pleasant if not exciting. She spoke about stable relationships through university and then moving to London and moving in with her boyfriend.
Anita spoke about her first job in advertising sales for the Independent and that the atmosphere at work was very sexually charged and she enjoyed this.
She commented that this is interesting given current focus on sexual harassment and whether there is any place for sex and relationships in the workplace. She talked about a period of time spent exploring and how much she enjoyed this and being the centre of attention.
Anita talked about reaching 26 and deciding it was time to be serious so that she was taken seriously. She identifies this time as when she truly split her mind from her body and that she didn’t believe she could have both and exciting sexual life and a serious career. Anita spoke of marrying and that the sex was ‘good enough’ but not really exciting. She said that she was pregnant within 6 months of marriage and the focus became on having a family. She said that they were not a couple who had no sex for many months and that they talked about making sure they were still having sex but said that they never talked about sexual desires, wants or needs. Anita highlighted this as a theme throughout her life up to that point.
Anita Cassidy spoke of realising she was bored and unhappy once her children were both in school and child care. She said she ended up in a conversation with a man she met through her writing and that this was when she discovered kink and BDSM. She described this as though someone had ‘walked through (my) mind and turned all the lights on’. She spoke of reading Dr Meg-John Barker’s ‘Rewriting the Rules’ and asking her husband to read the book as well. She talked about the painful conversation that led to them opening up their marriage.
Anita talked about finally integrating her sexual needs and desires and how amazing this is. She spoke of this transforming the rest of her life.
Anita Cassidy’s book is available to pre-order now on Amazon. Here is the link:
Today we spoke about being kinky, BDSM, Master/slave relationships, non-monogamy, the importance of congruence and communication, the wonders of being raised without shame around sexuality. If you were triggered or if this resonates with you, do email me. In addition to emailing me at email@example.com for more information, you can find resources on the podcast pages as part of the podcast notes.
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