Sex Spoken Here: Littles and Bigs and Age Play TRIGGER WARNING
Welcome to my virtual therapy room! I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.
Today I am starting my series on littles, bigs and age play. This area of kink often really upsets people. Many people see it as related to paedophilia which it is not or related to sexual abuse. There are many layers to this area so I will spend a few weeks examining them in as much detail as I can.
Joining me to start the discussion is Kathleen Melch.
Kathleen started by making the distinction between age play which is adults choosing to take on the persona of a child – more like a role play – and littles where people are actually psychologically and emotionally regressing to a particular age. She made the point that in age play, consent is possible but that in her opinion with littles it is not. She highlighted that this is because of the complete regression. Kathleen said that littles are usually between age 3 and 8 and that middles are 8 to the tweens and that bigs are the people who look after/care for the little.
Flowing from her point about consent, Kathleen made clear that in her view there should be nothing sexual between a big and a little as that is incest and could be traumatising or re-traumatising. She was clear that she does not see littles and bigs as a kink as a result. She spoke about the explosion of littles on the BDSM kink scene in the last 10 years and that this has led to difficult situations where the space for littles is placed in the dungeon or in a sexual play space. Kathleen was clear that she doesn’t think this is appropriate as you wouldn’t expose your 6 year old to an adult sexual space and it is essentially the same as the little, who is psychologically regressed, is in the mind space and emotional space of the child.
We spoke about the grey areas that fall between littles/bigs and age play. For example, two littles playing doctor is age appropriate sexual play. Spanking can be a grey area as the sexual pleasure encoding may have happened during a childhood incident in which there was no sexual content intended (e.g The adult was not sexually aroused. They were administering punishment). And spoke about the fact that some people choose to re-enact a scene from their own sexual abuse background in order to try to heal.
We spoke in great detail about the discomfort of people who are not interested in little/big relationships sharing adult space and the problems sex educators have when dealing with these relationships. Kathleen was clear that she is very protective of littles and seeks to keep them safe in adult spaces.
Kathleen spoke about the need for bigs and adults who are engaging in age play to have education around the age regression and how to bring someone back to the adult age as well as around symptoms of trauma and dissociation. She spoke about the fact that after care is usually much more extensive in these situations.
We spoke about the enjoyment people get out of age play and how some people find it extremely exciting to explore these taboo relationships and that these adults are able to consent to do this.
We also highlighted that none of this has to do with adults having any sexual interest in a biological child. The interest is in an adult who is engaging in pretend.
We began to talk about some of the psychological issues that arise and when people need to consider seeking out professional support (psychotherapy for example). We will continue that discussion in a later podcast in this series.
You can find Kathleen on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kathleen.baars
Thanks for joining me for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now! Please leave a review on iTunes and stitcher. I look forward to seeing you next week for part two of all about age play.