We experience shame when we cannot own something we have thought, felt, or done or some part of ourselves. Guilt can be appropriate when we have done something we know is wrong and harmed ourselves and/or others. It serves the purpose of getting us to look at the wrong and highlighting the wrong so that we can make amends, change our behaviour.

Turning Pain Into Pleasure

For most kinky sex and BDSM beginning bottoms, pain is not an instant turn on.  You may have read plenty of articles waxing lyrical about how hot pain is and how many stratospheric orgasms you can have if the beating is just right… but the first time that hand, paddle or flogger comes down on […]

When Pain Turns You On

Miranda was experimenting with her first girlfriend when she realized that pain turned her on. Her girlfriend bit her in the heat of passion and it was an instant orgasm.  At first she felt confused by this and then she felt ashamed.    Wasn’t pain supposed to turn you off? According to current statistics, 1 in […]

I ask this question of clients a lot and surprisingly, people often cannot answer it.   Many people look to others to turn them on.  Their expectations are that partners will somehow know what to do.    Many people are still brought up to think of sexual self-exploration as shameful.  Women are often taught to attend to […]