Turning Pain into Pleasure: From OUCH! to Oooooo

Turning Pain Into Pleasure

  For most kinky sex and BDSM beginning bottoms, pain is not an instant turn on.  You may have read plenty of articles waxing lyrical about how hot pain is and how many stratospheric orgasms you can have if the beating is just right but the first time that hand, paddle or flogger comes down […]


When Pain Turns You On…

When Pain Turns You On

Miranda was experimenting with her first girlfriend when she realised that pain turned her on.  Her girlfriend bit her in the heat of passion and it was instant orgasm.  At first she felt confused by this and then she felt ashamed.    Wasn’t pain supposed to turn you off? According to current statistics, 1 in 10 […]

What Turns You On?

I ask this question of clients a lot and surprisingly, people often cannot answer it.   Many people look to others to turn them on.  Their expectations are that partners will somehow know what to do.    Many people are still brought up to think of sexual self-exploration as shameful.  Women are often taught to attend to […]


Tell Me About Polyamorous Dominant/submissive (D/s) Relationships

Polyamorous D/s

Are there polyamorous D/s (dominant submissive) relationships? Yes there are. Polyamorous D/s relationships come in an infinite number of configurations.  For more about how different open relationships might look, you can find one of my articles here and a series of podcasts here. D/s relationships are ones in which dominance and submission are the primary […]

LGBTQQIAA+ Where do I fit in?


When I was first coming out, the acronym was LGB and even then, B was not much talked about.  In graduate school there was the Lesbian and Gay student organisation and I remember being invited to a party early on but not feeling comfortable since I wasn’t gay.  As a bisexual woman, I was not […]