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5 Things (Vanilla) Straight Girls Can Learn from Their LGBTQ and Kinky Sisters

We have lots in common with each other, we are sisters after all.  But some years ago I realised that I don’t go about relationships, dating and sex in quite the same way as my vanilla straight sisters.  I tried to work out how much of the difference was because of kink, how much was because of polyamory and how much was down to sexual orientation.  In the end I realised it didn’t matter what part came from where.  What matters are the differences and how they make relationships better.

  • Talking about sex before having sex makes for far more satisfying sex. LGBTQ and kinky folks tend to talk more about what they like/don’t like, want to do and don’t want to do with a potential partner before falling into bed. Perhaps this is because we want to make sure that we are likely to be compatible with someone before investing in the relationship.    There is still a lot of anonymous gay sex that happens but these days, with the wide variety of diseases, there is a push to at least have the safe sex talk before indulging and that often leads into what I like and don’t like, what you like and don’t like, etc.  By the time we hit the bedroom, we may well have been turned on for days.  We might already know what to avoid and even better, already know what to do to really get the fire going.

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  • The more you know about the female body, the more varied and better orgasms you will have. Recent research from the Kinsey Institute highlighted that lesbian women are most likely to have consistent orgasms during sex with a partner when compared to straight and bisexual peers.  One of the reasons – lesbians’ familiarity with the female body.  So, learn your own body and then make sure your partner learns your body too.
  • ‘Foreplay’ can be hotter than fucking and fucking is not always the desired goal. Many women find orgasm during intercourse extremely difficult and only 25% reach orgasm regularly through penetration.  This statistic comes from not one study but a review of over 33 studies that have been done during the past 80 years.  Lots of women don’t realise that this is normal!  For most women, orgasm results from clitoral stimulation and this is very difficult to get from straight forward intercourse.  Now if your partner slips a hand in between you while you are fucking and rubs your clitoris, then you may well have an orgasm while fucking.  LGBTQ sisters spend far more time using mouth, tongues, fingers, and sex toys and exploring all the female erogenous zones in depth.   Fucking can be using a strap-on, a vibrator, a dildo, fingers or even a fist.  Or there may not be penetration at all.
  • Even adults can have fun with toys. The only vibrator I was exposed to when I was in my teens was hard plastic and white and was completely unappealing.  Today, there are an amazing array of vibrators.  Some for direct clitoral stimulation, others are insertables that can be turned on and off by remote control, others are specifically focused on the G-spot and still others are used primarily for anal stimulation.    Besides vibrators, there is a plethora of other sex toys from nipple stimulators, blindfolds, to butt plugs.  Many toys can be used alone so you can experiment with different sensations.  If you are single, this means that time alone need not become boring.  If you are in a relationship, you can bring what you learn to playing with your partner.
  • Explore what turns you on first, then tell your partner. The more you know about what makes you burn, the more fun you will have. The more you are willing to tell your partner about what turns you on, the more fun you will have.  Perhaps it is because LGBTQ people have to ‘come out’ at least partially in order to be seen or perhaps LGBTQ folks tend to question their own sexuality at first.  Whatever it is, we tend to spend time exploring to accept all our desires and kinks.  As a result, we really value the ability to be authentic in the world.  Authenticity is sexy as hell.

Authenticity, communication, and exploration are the keys to sizzling hot sex and excellent intimate relationships no matter what your identity or orientation are.

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I would love to hear your ideas and stories about your experiences with exploration and authenticity.  Comment below or email me at drbisbey@the-initimacy-coach.com.

 

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